Death and Deceasededness

So when I die I don't want to just have a funeral. It's too boring. I've been thinking about all the things I could do when I die. Some ideas have been from other people and some are just bizarre. I want to make a video tape (to be updated every six months) of myself giving a eulogy for my own funeral where I say whatever I want. Tell crass jokes, make fun of people and cuss out whomever I please. Another idea was to put a machine in my coffin that is heated activated so when the coffin is cremated the machine starts playing a recording of my screaming "Oh my God I'm still fucking alive. Jesus! the fire it burns!" and the machine then "kicks" and "punches" the inside of the coffin simulating my agonising death throes.

One of my favourite ideas is to have all my assets sold when I die and converted into cash. Then my internal organs will be removed from my corpse and the empty cavity stuffed with the aforementioned cash. Then my family and friends must use me as a pinata if they want to get any inheritance. I am a twisted fuck and I like it.

But I read an idea fairly similar to that. Close enought to weird me out at the very least. But it is also a very cool idea so it's worth posting.

When I die, I want my body covered in paper mache, and shaped into a giant pinata. Then, I want my friends to drop pinata-me off at a random 10-year-old kid's birthday party, and videotape the children beating my corpse out of a festive paper dragon.

If my calculations are correct, I could ruin a good 15-20 childhoods, and leave the world with a completely awesome video tape. I'm sort of surprised that someone else hasn't thought of this yet.

On the theme of killage, my mate Grishmael came round for some Halo the other day. I was playing with some serious handicapness. I won some I lost some, but my favourite game was the last. The handicap was savaging me so badly that I couldn't afford to fight with guns. I basically had to run around till I got an opportunity to stick a plasma grenade to his dumb-ass. The number of times I leaped down from a great height to plug his face-hole with my juicy plasma cream ... it was so very enjoyable. He got absolutely reamed that last game. Never had a prayer.

I love that I still get to play Halo every now and then. Also that I'm still so fucking good.