Gaylo Poo

I just played some Halo 2 with my little brother, Spark, his handle is sexy. He got it from the days of Perfect Day on the N64. He played with the body of a female secretary and this weird half-asian half-monkey head. Mmmm sexy!! After a dismal first round followed by some premature crowing from Spark I proceaded to bend him over and grease him up. He got anally penetrated, and it was violent. There was blood. During one of the games he was at an all time low of -2 to my 21. I got seventeen straight (s)kills. Fortunately for Spark he managed to salvage a few shreds of dignity by going on a rocket spree and the game ended 25 to 6. Which in all fairness is still shit.

I like Consoles. I've been playing them since I was little, starting with my friends Atari. After that I got my own, a Master System II with Alex the Kid, Sonic the Hedghog, Double Dragon! But the fun really started when we got a Nintendo 64. First person shooters are my first person love. I played Goldeneye more than is healthy or reasonable. Easily the best game mode was "license to kill" with pistols on complex. After that there was Perfect Dark, which because took what Goldeneye had started and ran with it. It has my eternal thanks for introducing bots. Although it probably shouldn't because it just meant I could play even when I had no one to play against. I did play both Turok 2 and the World is not Enough for a little while, but to be honest I didn't like the single player of either all that much and it was one of those games where the multiplayer was a bit off, and we really only played it to break the monotony of the regulars. We didn't only play FPS, for example we loved Mariokart, it's just that we took our FPS a lot more seriously.

I didn't get an xbox for quite some time after it came out. But I did start playing it at Manny's place. He'd had Halo for a whole year before we started playing it. He only had his little brother, Gayke, to play so he was mostly over it because Gayke hardly ever played him. At first I sucked but I remember the first level I ever won... Snipers on Blood Gulch. Which is ironic because I fucking hate snipers and I don't particularly like Blood Gulch. After we bought an xbox Spark started playing more with me and Manny. We mostly played with human weapons, because none of them are crap. The sniper isn't great but it can be useful, the battle rifle isn't as good as the pistol or shotgun but when used effectively can be good. Pistols, shotguns and especially rockets are pwnz. Manny and I played the single player levels a lot when Manny didn't feel like getting raped in multi. Some people say they're boring but I honestly didn't find them that bad, especially in co-op. Halo was almost the perfect game and then we heard about Halo 2! Bungie were leading us to the promised land, to paradise.

And yet... Halo 2 was a big fucking dissapointment.

I'll say it again... It was a failure of catastrophic proportions. Epic even.